Hello, blogger world!
I turned 25 in the last hour! Lol.
I have been super busy with life and school but I was inspired to write a poem. I was watching INTERVENTION and started thinking about addiction and what the word meant and how it described a person. So here's my take on Addiction.
Pain. I mask it.
Suffering. I hide it.
Shame. I down it.
Addiction. I live it.
Consumption of my every bone
every muscle, every
thought.
What is this thing taking
over me?
Whose body am I living in?
Whose clothes
am I wearing?
This wasn't me but this
is me NOW.
Hatred of myself and who I've
become
I don't recognize myself and couldn't
point myself out in a lineup.
Could you?
Wrap your head around my options
to choose my addiction over you
Understand that I matter to
me more than you do
Thoughts and images of me cross
my mind of who I have become
but not the complete me.
Who am I?
I am the addiction.
I am your addict.
Your problem child at 34 years old.
Trust. Love. Joy.
All these things you lost from me.
Faith.
That's gone too, but somehow
there's a part of you that
manages to keep me in your
prayers.
You amaze me with
your passion and dedication
and commitment to me.
Remain my strength.
I know I let you down and I
see the disappointment in your
eyes. Don't let me
go. Don't let me
fall cause I've done it
my way and where has
it left my soul?
I've walked down my
beaten path many a time
and my life has ended in
the gutter.
You tell me that I'm not okay
and sometimes I believe it
and other times I can handle
it myself.
I can handle it
I can hand over my will anytime
I can
walk away from my pain
if I feel like it
I can feel and will this
void away anytime I choose.
You don't own me
I own me
My addiction owns...
me
How do I say
'enough is enough' or
two simple words like
'help' and 'me'
I can't put the two words
together and I don't know how.
How do I say or
speak these confessing words
'Please'
It's so simple, yet not at all.
I'm done; I'm gone
I'm addicted
Please comment on it.
Love, peace, and chicken grease!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Cilantro-Lime Tilapia
When I went grocery shopping on Friday with my best friend, Luis, he came across individually frozen pieces of seafood. I was really on a mission for some salmon, but all they had was fresh salmon. The fresh salmon is probably better, but frozen fish is okay with me. I don't mind it. Some of you may say "Go for the fresh stuff. It's much more tasty and REAL." That's fine and dandy and I agree with you, but you do have to understand that I am on a college student budget. It's amazing I can even afford seafood. So, when he found it for $1, I snatched up 5 packages extremely quick. I didn't have any idea what I was going to do with it, but I was going to come up with something. There was no salmon, but beggars can't be choosers. They had Mahi Mahi (which I grew up eating, so I'm familiar with the taste and how to prepare it), Scallops and Tilapia.
To go off topic, I am going to give you a little background on the fish.
Mahi Mahi (which is actually what the fish is called in Hawaiian) is also known as dolphin-fish found in off-shore temperate, tropical and sub-tropical waters. They are among the fastest-growing fish. The taste resembles other whitefish such as flounder and tilapia. The NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) classifies Mahi-Mahi as a "moderate-mercury" fish and suggests eating 6 servings or less a month. On the other hand, Monterey Bay Aquarium classifies Mahi-Mahi, when caught in the US as a "good alternative". A good alternative to what, I don't know.
Tilapia is a common name for many different species of fish. They're typically found in a variety of fresh water and are omnivorous. They can't generally survive in cool waters. Commercially grown tilapia are most exclusively male. Tilapia has very low levels of mercury as they are fast a growing and short-lived species. It has low total fat, low saturated fat, low calorie, low carbohydrate and low sodium protein source. It is also an excellent source of Phosphorus, Niacin, Selenium, Vitamin B12 and Potassium.
Back to the recipe...
I bought a lime about a week back and hadn't used it. I knew that if I didn't use it, it was going to go bad (which means turn rock hard). I love lime and since I'm mexican at heart, I knew that I had cilantro and wanted to make a simple Cilantro-lime Tilapia. When I prepare my food, I usually just put ingredients together and go for it. I think that's what cooking should be.
First, I minced one clove of garlic and put it in a small container with a little bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Since I don't have many fresh ingredients, I started using pre-packaged cilantro which is sold in the produce section of Stater Bros. I put about a Tbsp and some red pepper flakes. I then cut a lime in half and squeezed it into the mixture. I used a spoon to mix it and once my oven was heated, I used a pie pan (Note: I suggest using it for single portions! I only ever cook for myself) and sprayed Pam on it. Placed the Tilapia on the pan and rubbed my mixture over the top of it. Simple as that!
The other 2 items in this picture: golden tomatoes sauteed with dried onion and paprika, brown rice made with butter and a touch of Lawry's Seasoned Salt
The only thing I would change about this recipe is the amount of lime. The tilapia tasted like lime with a little kick of red pepper. I would just decrease the amount. Other than that, my meal was delicious! I suggest you try whatever your heart desires! My motto is "put some stuff together and call it a meal!"
Signing out...
To go off topic, I am going to give you a little background on the fish.
Mahi Mahi (which is actually what the fish is called in Hawaiian) is also known as dolphin-fish found in off-shore temperate, tropical and sub-tropical waters. They are among the fastest-growing fish. The taste resembles other whitefish such as flounder and tilapia. The NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) classifies Mahi-Mahi as a "moderate-mercury" fish and suggests eating 6 servings or less a month. On the other hand, Monterey Bay Aquarium classifies Mahi-Mahi, when caught in the US as a "good alternative". A good alternative to what, I don't know.
Tilapia is a common name for many different species of fish. They're typically found in a variety of fresh water and are omnivorous. They can't generally survive in cool waters. Commercially grown tilapia are most exclusively male. Tilapia has very low levels of mercury as they are fast a growing and short-lived species. It has low total fat, low saturated fat, low calorie, low carbohydrate and low sodium protein source. It is also an excellent source of Phosphorus, Niacin, Selenium, Vitamin B12 and Potassium.
Back to the recipe...
I bought a lime about a week back and hadn't used it. I knew that if I didn't use it, it was going to go bad (which means turn rock hard). I love lime and since I'm mexican at heart, I knew that I had cilantro and wanted to make a simple Cilantro-lime Tilapia. When I prepare my food, I usually just put ingredients together and go for it. I think that's what cooking should be.
First, I minced one clove of garlic and put it in a small container with a little bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Since I don't have many fresh ingredients, I started using pre-packaged cilantro which is sold in the produce section of Stater Bros. I put about a Tbsp and some red pepper flakes. I then cut a lime in half and squeezed it into the mixture. I used a spoon to mix it and once my oven was heated, I used a pie pan (Note: I suggest using it for single portions! I only ever cook for myself) and sprayed Pam on it. Placed the Tilapia on the pan and rubbed my mixture over the top of it. Simple as that!
The other 2 items in this picture: golden tomatoes sauteed with dried onion and paprika, brown rice made with butter and a touch of Lawry's Seasoned Salt
The only thing I would change about this recipe is the amount of lime. The tilapia tasted like lime with a little kick of red pepper. I would just decrease the amount. Other than that, my meal was delicious! I suggest you try whatever your heart desires! My motto is "put some stuff together and call it a meal!"
Signing out...
Cooking
I am greatly inspired right now to cook. I don't want to cook at this moment, as it is 215 in the morning on Tuesday. I spent Sunday evening with my 2 Valentines, Luis and Carlos. We made a fabulous dinner, and I don't know what I am going to make for my dinner tonight. I still have some time, but I really feel like making something gourmet. I mean, my meals are practically gourmet already, but I want to take it to another level. Sometimes, I wish I went to culinary school because I enjoy cooking so much.
I just wanted to update the world with that.
I'll update UPDATE more on a later date. This is a busy week for me, so I'm not sure if I'll be back this week to write.
Signing out...
I just wanted to update the world with that.
I'll update UPDATE more on a later date. This is a busy week for me, so I'm not sure if I'll be back this week to write.
Signing out...
Monday, February 8, 2010
A little ditty
I wrote this little thing when I was sitting in my Greek, Roman, Italian Renaissance Theater class. It was really cold and I was really tired and I had to find something to do, so this is what came out:
The sleep settles in and my head swathes to the rhythm of the music playing above my head on the ipod. It sings to me the melody of a synthesized piano and the voice is enclosing me in a silk blanket of buttery notes in C major. As I lie in my semi-soft bed, I begin to think about the times we shared; the moments you enveloped me in your strong arms; the times we lay awake in your bed and watch corny television shows and make boxed macaroni and cheese. It was the small things we did together that made life worthwhile. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, but because of you, I now know and understand what it feels like to be held with passion and fire. Though you and I were only together for a short amount of time, it was the best 2 months I had ever had. I distinctly remember the time I was sick and you laid your head on my stomach and just let me sleep. At that moment, I knew what love truly felt like. At this recollection, I come to my surroundings and become aware of where I am and what I'm doing and then drift to sleep. Unbeknownst to you, these images are played over and over in my mind and I wonder if you ever think of me in those same memories.
This was written in the spur of the moment without any corrections to my thoughts. I wrote it in about 20 minutes, coming and going to it, because I was taking notes.
The sleep settles in and my head swathes to the rhythm of the music playing above my head on the ipod. It sings to me the melody of a synthesized piano and the voice is enclosing me in a silk blanket of buttery notes in C major. As I lie in my semi-soft bed, I begin to think about the times we shared; the moments you enveloped me in your strong arms; the times we lay awake in your bed and watch corny television shows and make boxed macaroni and cheese. It was the small things we did together that made life worthwhile. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, but because of you, I now know and understand what it feels like to be held with passion and fire. Though you and I were only together for a short amount of time, it was the best 2 months I had ever had. I distinctly remember the time I was sick and you laid your head on my stomach and just let me sleep. At that moment, I knew what love truly felt like. At this recollection, I come to my surroundings and become aware of where I am and what I'm doing and then drift to sleep. Unbeknownst to you, these images are played over and over in my mind and I wonder if you ever think of me in those same memories.
This was written in the spur of the moment without any corrections to my thoughts. I wrote it in about 20 minutes, coming and going to it, because I was taking notes.
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Power of Faith
What to say.
I don't know. I just wish that this quarter was over. I don't like my classes really (except for Hip Hop Theater). I've lost my drive and ambition for this quarter. I have no desire to be on campus or in class, for that matter. The only thing that's keeping me there is the fact that I want to graduate and show everyone (myself included) that I can do this. I know that I doubt myself everyday I get up in the morning that I can't do this. And each day I pray to God to help me stay focused on Him and He will guide me in the direction that I should go. I know that He is up there helping me with this mess called school. I am so stressed out and my shoulders are killing me every single day. Faith is a powerful tool. Faith is what got me here to UCR. I prayed day after day for God to get me into a school so I could get my degree. I knew that in His time I would be here at this point. With prayer, it happened. I was feeling very distant from God, but I am making my way back to Him. Prayer, meditation and devotions are bringing me back since I am not able to get to church on Sundays. It's my way of connecting to God, which I so desperately need. I need the connection and the calm and level head right now. I am psyching myself out and I know that it's all in my head. *sigh* The Lord will guide me...I have faith.
So, this is my PSA for practicing faith. Do it, because it does help and keeps you centered. If you so desire not to practice a specific faith, just be a spiritual person. Be connected to yourself and not so distant. Stay focused on a higher power that helps you.
If you would like more information on faith and spirituality, please copy and paste this website:
http://www.faith.com
[I still don't have a closing phrase]
I don't know. I just wish that this quarter was over. I don't like my classes really (except for Hip Hop Theater). I've lost my drive and ambition for this quarter. I have no desire to be on campus or in class, for that matter. The only thing that's keeping me there is the fact that I want to graduate and show everyone (myself included) that I can do this. I know that I doubt myself everyday I get up in the morning that I can't do this. And each day I pray to God to help me stay focused on Him and He will guide me in the direction that I should go. I know that He is up there helping me with this mess called school. I am so stressed out and my shoulders are killing me every single day. Faith is a powerful tool. Faith is what got me here to UCR. I prayed day after day for God to get me into a school so I could get my degree. I knew that in His time I would be here at this point. With prayer, it happened. I was feeling very distant from God, but I am making my way back to Him. Prayer, meditation and devotions are bringing me back since I am not able to get to church on Sundays. It's my way of connecting to God, which I so desperately need. I need the connection and the calm and level head right now. I am psyching myself out and I know that it's all in my head. *sigh* The Lord will guide me...I have faith.
So, this is my PSA for practicing faith. Do it, because it does help and keeps you centered. If you so desire not to practice a specific faith, just be a spiritual person. Be connected to yourself and not so distant. Stay focused on a higher power that helps you.
If you would like more information on faith and spirituality, please copy and paste this website:
http://www.faith.com
[I still don't have a closing phrase]
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The end of INTIMATE APPAREL
Well folks. Today marks the end of the one and only INTIMATE APPAREL. It was such a pleasure to be a part of it. I just want to take this time to thank the entire cast and crew and director and production staff for such a wonderful show. It was a blast, and I'm kind of bittersweet about the whole thing. I have so many wonderful things to say to the cast of the show. I am trying to decide how and if I want to say it all right here.
Hmmm...
Too many words, not enough will. Hahaa.
However, I will post the pictures.
Amy Wright (Esther Mills)
Rinata Krel (Mrs. Van Buren)
LaShe Rodriguez (Mayme)
Aaron Carew (George Armstrong)
[Christopher] Jordan Mackey (Mr. Marks)
In other news, I have been trying to keep up with my hair. The hairspray that I used during the show did a NUMBER on my hair. I'm so glad that the shampoo and coconut oil revitalized my hair. I feel like a whole new person! I am enthralled with the condition of my hair. It is so moisturized! Hahaa.
I have posted videos on youtube, so please check them out!
http://www.youtube.com/user/kneegroe03
What's your catch phrase?
Hmmm...
Too many words, not enough will. Hahaa.
However, I will post the pictures.
Amy Wright (Esther Mills)
Rinata Krel (Mrs. Van Buren)
LaShe Rodriguez (Mayme)
Aaron Carew (George Armstrong)
[Christopher] Jordan Mackey (Mr. Marks)
In other news, I have been trying to keep up with my hair. The hairspray that I used during the show did a NUMBER on my hair. I'm so glad that the shampoo and coconut oil revitalized my hair. I feel like a whole new person! I am enthralled with the condition of my hair. It is so moisturized! Hahaa.
I have posted videos on youtube, so please check them out!
http://www.youtube.com/user/kneegroe03
What's your catch phrase?
Friday, January 29, 2010
Body Cleanse
I made an awesome dinner on Tuesday night, which consisted of chorizo, potatoes, beans and eggs. It was so much that I made that I ended up eating it as leftovers on Wednesday night too. Because of how bloated I felt and gross that I didn't really eat anything super healthy, I decided that yesterday was going to be a cleansing. I had an extremely vegetarian day! For breakfast, I had a blueberry bagel with Nutella, banana, yogurt and orange juice. For lunch, I had celery, carrots and golden tomatoes sprinkled with a little salt and pepper. I also had an apple and blueberries with 1 packet of Splenda sprinkled on top. For dinner, I had cucumber, tomato and lettuce with turkey bacon and balsamic viniagrette. It was pretty healthy today, until I started my show. I finished my salad and my water before I started getting ready at 630pm. My stomach started growling a bit before I had to go on stage at 8pm. I felt really awake and hyped up due to the veggies vitamins and minerals that were keeping me energized. Fatty foods make me so tired, as I soon realized and understood yesterday. I already eat quite a lot of vegetables, sometimes more than the protein I'm supposed to eat. My mom used to think that I would be a vegetarian when I was little because I don't really like meat. For the most part, it is true. I'd rather have a meatless meal, but I know the importance of having a balanced diet. I know that the protein will give me vitamins that beans or nuts can't give me. So, I think from this point on, I will switch it up on a daily basis and have completely vegetarian days. That cleansing yesterday made me realize how much I miss being that mini-hippie. I love eating lots of fruits and vegetables, so I have decided to embark (partly) on my best friend Luis' journey to be a vegetarian. May we be both end up healthier people by the end of this.
By the way, I haven't been going to the gym this quarter due to the fact that I value my sleep way more than getting up to work out. So, after this show is over (Sunday), I will be going to the gym in the mornings and getting back into shape. As strange as this may sound, I miss running on the treadmill while listening to Black Eyed Peas. Oh memories...
[insert catch phrase here]
THIS WILL BE MY NEW CATCH PHRASE! Hahaa. I love it.
By the way, I haven't been going to the gym this quarter due to the fact that I value my sleep way more than getting up to work out. So, after this show is over (Sunday), I will be going to the gym in the mornings and getting back into shape. As strange as this may sound, I miss running on the treadmill while listening to Black Eyed Peas. Oh memories...
[insert catch phrase here]
THIS WILL BE MY NEW CATCH PHRASE! Hahaa. I love it.
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